always surprised when it turns out to be you...

(Yeah, that's the Who. I took it out of context, so the meaning twisted slightly, and it'd be cheating to do that and still expect anyone to recognize it. Except maybe Lucas.)

Things I Did Over Spring Break:
Saw Harry
Embarrassed David Tay at a restuarant
Saw DBH
Took an SAT math class
Saw Elena and Avery a few times
Saw Jr. Mack with LK
Saw an awesome play with Elena and Avery and Hally
Met Kieran Culkin
Saw LK again and thoroughly embarrassed her in a dress shop
Met Will's girlfriend and a Scottish guy who later asked LK out
Filmed with Frankie and crew for a day (well, I didn't really film)
Saw Robert Plant at Irving Plaza and left before the encore, because Greg and I both almost passed out at the same time.
Went to DC to see my cousin Danny, who plays various basses and gave me a book, and to tour Georgetown, which I didn't like
Worked on the Newspaper layout
Spent a day with my sister
Wrote some stuff and drank a lot of coffee at the place around the corner
Got sick
Saw Oona
Got Oona sick, probably
Cried a lot
Got really sick
Cried more
Yelled at my parents
Lost my voice
Got my voice back
Spent a day with my mom and bought a shitload of clothes
Told a little girl to stay drug-free but not to be afraid of people who did do them
Was ignored by the little girl
Greeted Harry when he got back
Watched an anime movie with Zack and Chloe about magical raccoons
Saw Harry and got him sick
Hauled furniture around for a day in the rain without eating and lost my voice again
Finally found a prom dress, although I'm still not really satisfied (what goes with orange?)
Lost my cell phone
Got Alex sick, I think
Cut playwriting, got Chris to send me home after third period
Talked with (at) Fish for two hours and gave him my blog address because he's awesome

Without the sick bit it wasn't a bad break, I guess.

Oh, yeah. Except for the fact that EVERYONE DIED. Three people Elena knew, Oona's friend, Jaya's friend, Peter's friend and two kids who would have been seniors if they'd stayed. The Pope, Terri Schiavo.

I didn't really know any of them. In fact, I only met one of them once. I cried over him. I didn't really feel much about the others, to be honest; despite everything, I just want to console the people who were hurt by their deaths. Jacob's is the only face in my head. I really just don't know what to say to anyone any more. It's all horrible and grim and everyone's beginning to question themselves. I talked with two similarly self-questioning friends in the cafeteria about our parents for a while this morning, and I realized that mine really aren't all that bad. Although my dad and I almost never get along, and I fight with my mom quite often as well, my parents don't tell me that my friends don't like me, or that I'm nothing and will never go anywhere in life. My mom tries to run my relationships and pick my friends, yes, and she doesn't really like my poetry, and my dad thinks I'm melodramatic and saucy and not trustworthy, and yes, they both voted for Bush and don't like that I'm an atheist, but they also go to concerts with me and my mom took a day off last week to help me look for a dress, and my dad took me furniture shopping with him and I accidentally found a dress. (He also made me carry two desks in the rain without a jacket for forty-five minutes, and didn't let me eat lunch until five, and yelled at me until I lost my voice, but still... he meant well when we set out.) I also began to question myself, but in a different way. When Jacob died I felt so shaken that nothing seemed stable any more. Nobody seemed to be there for good. It struck me again how alone we all really are. Now I see all this death and depression and pain, and I feel kind of like a brat. Who am I to complain? I have an OK family, not perfect, but not too bad; my sister is the most beautiful thing in the world, and my parents are still in love with each other, and love us, and I'm in love, too, and I've got enough confidence that I don't have to prove to people why I'm cool or whatever any more. I'm no supermodel, but I'm not unattractive, and I'm smart and creative and know how to love people and how to have a good time, even if I don't really bring much to the party, so to speak.

...yeah, I just reread that. It all sounded better in my head. I need to use the words "yeah," "really," "just," "very" and "anyway" a lot less often.

Edit: I hope you'll all forgive me for this post. I read through it and it's pretty narcissistic. And uninteresting, actually. I'm sorry that I talk so much about myself. I'm not trying to brag or promote myself or anything, and I'm not trying to embarrass you, Harry. It's just that I've already written a good five or six posts this week that I didn't publish, and I feel like I ought to print something, even if it's crap. Which it is.

It really used to piss me off when my mom said things like "Your buddy Harry is sooooooo cool. You're very lucky, V." because it's as though she's saying "You got something you didn't deserve. You should consider yourself lucky, V." (Oh, yeah--my parents call me 'V.' I guess 'V.V.' was too long for them.) She said the same thing about other friends of mine that she likes, although it's my theory that she has a big ol' girly crush on Harry. (Actually, she has crushes on a lot of people, mostly young money-managers at her office. She thinks it's funny and laughs whenever I mention it.) Whenever she said that, I used to say "My buddy Harry is very lucky." Lately, though, I've noticed that she's right. It's not that I think don't deserve him, or vica-versa(sp); it's just that there really aren't very many truly happy couples at Friends, in high schools and colleges in general. And when someone feeds you, and tucks you into bed, and strokes your hair until you fall asleep, and doesn't listen to you when you tell him to go away and protect his own health, and still tells you that you look good when you can't talk and have been wearing your pijamas all morning and haven't brushed your hair or washed your face or shaved... you start to feel pretty damn lucky.