esquivel!

i've noticed lately that i tend to cast the people i love most in a negative light when i talk about them. like elena (who as of yet has no blog alias... i don't think she reads this), jack 2, bogo-san, etc. it kind of pisses me off.

yesterday i heard some upsetting news from a friend and, as is my way, coped with it by walking into the new Forever 21 store on Union Square that thinks it is Urban Outfitters. the clothes weren't all that amazing, but the models that wore them were all startling and edgy and clean and anorexic and vile, because they made me feel vile and un-cool.

because i am veronica, i instantly think of all the other people i am nowhere near as cool as and get depressed again. (fuck grammar.)

*footnote: i always figured, when i was a depressed middle-schooler, that if i were older, or had longer hair, or had a boyfriend, or weren't such a social alien, that i wouldn't be depressed. i guess i was wrong. although i am far far less depressed now, and capable of picking myself up again, or letting certain other happy sheep help me do so. *end footnote.

because i am not the veronica that i once was, i recognize the negative effect that the store is having on me (especially since i am broke and shabbily dressed) and go instead to the next-door Strawberry, which usually makes me feel positively classy. strangely, it does nothing for my spirits, especially since i find a pair of shoes there that i like (a personal first, at the next-door Strawberry) and remember that i am broke and shabbily dressed.

recognizing the negative effect that the store was having on me, i go home and proceed to get into an arguement with my parents about my grades. recognizing the negative effect that the arguement is having on me, i proceed to not-do my spanish homework. recognizing the negative effect that not-feeling better and not-talking about the issue that initially upset me was having on my blue-fingered self (i was cold, hey), i proceed to call bogo-san and elena (who as of yet has no blog alias). to bogo-san i spill; from bogo-san i recieved comfort. to elena i teased and monologue; from elena i recieve her special brand of one-liners that date back to fifth grade and still make me crack up. especially the "happy sheep" ones. (elena as of yet has no blog alias, and probably doesn't read this.)

i think i will update often. the unique bizarreness of my mood is making this a very cheery experience on my part. i usually enjoy writing the most when i am indeed writing my oddest pieces. why, you ask? i know not.

notice that right after i wrote that i regretted casting elena (who as of yet has no blog alias and probably doesn't read this) in a negative light, i wrote, rather meanly and probably in retaliation for probably not reading this, that she probably doesn't read this, and cruelly highlighted the fact that elena as of yet has no blog alias? (this sounds confusing as i write it, but when it was merely a confusing thought that i thought it i assure you it was not so confusing and in fact most sincere.)

i'm not sure if i like this naming-my-blog-entries-after-alternatively-well-known-and-obscure-songs business. i think perhaps i will end it... or at least extend the challenge of naming the band/artist and/or album to unfortunate readers. this one is particularly obscure, so enjoy.

i'm not sure how to end this. here goes.