Oh Suzie Q, Little Suzie Q

So I promised I'd rewrite the post I deleted and explain myself a bit more, but it's difficult since a lot has happened since then.

On Friday Harry and I had blueberry pancakes and wine in celebration of David Tay's birthday--we love you, David!--and watched Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, which I really want to see the ending of now. Then we hung with the Benders at our house for a bit and then got ice cream in the village, which was nice.

In conversation it emerged that I am a very different person at my house than anywhere else. Harry and I rarely argue anywhere else, which probably gives Renata and Rosa a more negative view of our relationship than is accurate. I'm also more comfortable at my house. Oona has noticed this and so have Harry and Abbey. It made me think of what Jennifer taught me in Playwriting (which no longer exists) about the voices of a character. In order for a character to be realistic, they have to have more than one voice that they use according to occasion. A man says a very different thing to a zoo animal than to his mother than to his girlfriend. A woman butters up a security guard when she thinks it will serve her and brushes him away when he advances on her. A girl talks differently to her mother than to her best friend. These things make sense; they relate to people and to dialogue. Is it strange that I'm harder to talk to outside of my house? And yet I don't really want to live here. Until finals are over, anyway.

Anyway, Saturday was dull because I wasn't allowed out of the house, although Harry and Travis showed up and watched Napoleon Dynamite in my living room while I did my homework and got yelled at and fell in love with Virginia Woolf (how had I never read any of her work before?).

Then Harry left (he was booted out) with his brother and I ate beans for dinner again and the creepy fish was found belly-up in the tank. On its side, actually, and the other two fish next to it knew it was dead and were very upset about it. The bulging eyes that never looked at anyone seemed to be staring straight at me. I began recalling everything that Chloe and I had blamed on the fish last year, and all the nightmares it had caused me, and--God help me--I screamed out loud.

So Mom flushed it down the toilet and I made strange drawings on post-it notes in black ink and then threw them away and went off to read Slaughter-House Five again while Renata propagated her social life via IChat.

And then, exactly one year after Harry asked me out on my old Windows '98 (well, if you're counting days of the week, not of the month), a boy in her grade asked her out over the internet.

She accepted, which means that we're both dating computer nerds now (albeit lovable ones) who asked us out online. Which is funny, at least to me.

And then Mom broke the news to me that she'd bought me tickets to see Creedence Clearwater Revival (or at least what's left of them to revive), and I got happy and excited all over again and Harry called and it was nice.

Then Renata got annoyed so I hung up on Harry and we read "MASTER HAROLD" ...and the boys together for a while, each acting the different parts in turn instead of sticking to one character apiece and doing the best voices we could, and then we talked for a few hours after we went to bed and it was very sweet and I made a mental note to set Harry on the boy if he ever hurts her at all in any way whatsoever. Or a team of wild dogs. Whichever.

Then I had nightmares about the damn fish and about being lost in a labyrinth and this guy I used to know named Dave Rodile hating me even though I helped him build his boat two years ago. And Mom woke me up early with the Creedence Clearwater version of Suzie Q.

Oh Suzie Q
Oh Suzie Q
I like the way you walk
I like the way you talk
Oh Suzie Q
Say that you'll be true
Say that you'll be true
And never leave me blue
Oh Suzie Q
Little Suzie Q
Oh Suzie Q
Say that you'll be mine
Say that you'll be mine
Say that you'll be mine
Yeah all the time
Yeah Suzie Q

et cetera.

It was strange because a day ago Susan Bender had told me about how her old roomate used to call her Suzie Q, and it really bugged her. Somehow I didn't mind.

And then I dreamed that I was in a van driving out of the labyrinth, which was really the grand canyon, and all the rocks turned black and mom shook me awake again and it was Television's Marquee Moon instead.

So much good music, so little time, so little appreciation...

And so much writing and so much sheer beauty in the world and me just a poor little dark-eyed girl with a silly dream.

So I finished the play and jotted a bunch of notes over breakfast about the British Invasion (musical) reflecting the remnants of the conquering mentale of the British and a musical competition that dated back to the American Declaration of Independence and something about Walker Percy, I don't remember what that was about, and under all of it I wrote I CAN"T WAIT FOR SUMMER--I HAVE TO WRITE and I felt choked.

Then I had lunch in the park with Harry and Elena came for a bit. I don't want to spoil it but I finished the song in my head:

Oh Suzie Q
Little Suzie Q
I love you true
You know I do
Little Suzie Q

And it was a lovely anniversary, despite being grounded and worried about my sister and racism and dead fish and writing.

And then Renata got this as a fortune in her Chinese food tonight. I have no idea what it means and it's perfect, because I'm watching Buffy and eating chicken tonight and I don't know what any of that means either: