Slip-Sliding Away
The words hit my ears and I believe them; Y'know, the nearer your destination, the more you're slip-sliding away...
School is almost over and I don't want it to end, but I can't stand living like this. I've been under constant pressure from my parents about my schoolwork, but all it's accomplished is pitted us against each other violently and caused me stress. I failed two tests this week in two classes I need to get A's in. Why? I've been pleading Ex Ed and the Dylan concerts, but I have no excuse. I freaked out.
I've always justified lying to my parents by reasoning that they overreact so much to the little things that they find out about that I've already gotten what I deserve for everything else I do. Which isn't much, aside from not telling them about my tests and my romantic life. But I got in a conversation with my mom the day before yesterday and ended up telling her about my failed math test in a moment of trust.
Apparantly my trust was misplaced. She's started saying that I'll never go anywhere on a schoolnight again for the rest of high school because I didn't tell her in advance about the test. And we've all been yelling and crying for two days now.
How stupid is that?
I saw Gentry Farley yesterday before Pretty How Towns started playing, and I somehow ended up spilling everything to her when I'd only meant to tell her how hot she looked. And then I realized that I really don't have any problems when I think of some of the people I know.
So here's my life right now: I can't talk to my parents, my teachers think I'm falling apart, I'm achieving a reputation as a stoner without ever having smoked a cigarette, my friends ARE stoners and I worry about them, my best friend worries me so much that I don't talk to her sometimes (does that make sense?), I still don't have a prom dress that I'm happy with, finals are coming up, my sister thinks I'm egocentric and don't listen to her, and half of my friends are going to college. On the other hand, I've got friends that I love and a sister that I love and a boyfriend that I love that keeps me sane and stops me from completely falling apart and kisses away my worries.
So I guess I'm OK.
I still can't wait for summer, though.
I'm gonna be a gypsy again.
School is almost over and I don't want it to end, but I can't stand living like this. I've been under constant pressure from my parents about my schoolwork, but all it's accomplished is pitted us against each other violently and caused me stress. I failed two tests this week in two classes I need to get A's in. Why? I've been pleading Ex Ed and the Dylan concerts, but I have no excuse. I freaked out.
I've always justified lying to my parents by reasoning that they overreact so much to the little things that they find out about that I've already gotten what I deserve for everything else I do. Which isn't much, aside from not telling them about my tests and my romantic life. But I got in a conversation with my mom the day before yesterday and ended up telling her about my failed math test in a moment of trust.
Apparantly my trust was misplaced. She's started saying that I'll never go anywhere on a schoolnight again for the rest of high school because I didn't tell her in advance about the test. And we've all been yelling and crying for two days now.
How stupid is that?
I saw Gentry Farley yesterday before Pretty How Towns started playing, and I somehow ended up spilling everything to her when I'd only meant to tell her how hot she looked. And then I realized that I really don't have any problems when I think of some of the people I know.
So here's my life right now: I can't talk to my parents, my teachers think I'm falling apart, I'm achieving a reputation as a stoner without ever having smoked a cigarette, my friends ARE stoners and I worry about them, my best friend worries me so much that I don't talk to her sometimes (does that make sense?), I still don't have a prom dress that I'm happy with, finals are coming up, my sister thinks I'm egocentric and don't listen to her, and half of my friends are going to college. On the other hand, I've got friends that I love and a sister that I love and a boyfriend that I love that keeps me sane and stops me from completely falling apart and kisses away my worries.
So I guess I'm OK.
I still can't wait for summer, though.
I'm gonna be a gypsy again.
posted by VVM at 1:47 PM
6 New Ideas
New Ideas:-
Jaya thinks...
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- 11:53 AM
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Sharpie thinks...
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- 1:48 PM
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Frankie thinks...
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- 2:30 PM
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VVM thinks...
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- 2:37 PM
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Anonymous thinks...
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- 10:58 PM
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Anonymous thinks...
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- 10:55 AM
I hope you know how much I love you and that you can call me anytime if you need me. Seriously, I will listen to anything and calm you down as much as I can. And as for college, well, I'm here, and see how we haven't fallen apart? True friends always stick around.
Okay, here's the thing: there is no such thing as a class you _need_ to get an A in. A class you need to pass? Yeah. But perfection is never _necessary_.
Also, I have been practicing the same philosophy on my parents for a very long time--they overreact, they get all upset about tests, etc etc. But lately, I've found that they react less badly if you prove yourself--tell them about a test, then do well on it. Or whatevs.
So, uh, the answer is don't worry?
And here's another thing:
Decades from now, when you look back on your high school years, you aren't going to remember that you failed a test because you went to a Dylan concert; you're going to remember the Dylan concert. You're not going to remember your stoner reputation; you're going to remember all the fun you had with your wonderful stoner friends. And you're not going to remember that you didn't like your prom dress; you're going to remember how much your prom date loved you.
In short: you're living the most fantastically full and rich life! Don't let yourself get bogged down in the little grades and things that don't matter; you can just rise above it all.
Wow. That made my day because it's true.
Here's to the future and to everything we will have to remember!
DUDE. STICK IT TO THE MAN. listen, your parents and your school and society and the world combined is THE MAN. the man is a big, big, big, huge, horrible poo. you are going to show this man that YOU ARE YOURSELF AND NOONE ELSE AND YOU DON'T NEED THE MAN CUZ THE MAN IS THE MAN AND THE MAN IS A POO. there. and i know i've already told you this, but you have to realize it. and dude, YOU ARE GOING TO COLLEGE, dammit. you are going to college. and it's gonna be a good college. and you're gonna have a good time. and it's allllll gonna be chill. and you know what? those people who go to harvard? they kill themselves or they die. do you want to die? no. life is good. don't die. if you die, i'll have to die, and that would really suck. actually i wouldn't phisically die but i'd have to like, be clinically depressed for all eternity and that is worse than death. and dude, don't think ivies are like, life. cuz they aren't. the people at ivies have no life. so poo on them. and poo on the man. do you hear? you must listen. take heed, i say, take heed. by decree of elena, you shall stick it to the man. BAH! elena has spoken! ok then. and now i'm listening to hair and it makes me happy. yay hair. ok i'm done. fuck it's late and i meant to do all this vietnam war history paper shit. oh well. but hair is related to my paper, cuz like, lbj and vietnam shit and whatever, and everyone was mad and it was bad whatever and that's what hair is about. so there. it's educational. yay. go listen to hair. or the beatles. or dylan. or someone. NOW. i bid you, GO. it will make you happy. dude, and you aren't a stoner. and i have sort of the same thing too.....everyone is like, elena, you would make the best stoner ever. you are like, high constantly. and i'm like yeah whatever. and like, i'm worried about people too. i mean my friend just got sent to drug camp, and like, my other friend is all like, obsessed with the whole image of smoking thing. she actually says like "haha, i'm dirty" all the time and it's like "dude, people think you're all poser-ish" and it's annoying. i mean like, it's ok if stuff is in moderation but half the people i know are like, in excess. and it's annoying. bah. but then there's like, my kind of boring clean friends. whatever. this is your blog, not mine. my point is that i feel the issues dude. and also DUDE dont' like, not talk to me cuz i freak you out. how do i freak you out? dude, u know i like to freak out. chill. i'm chill, you're chill, but sometimes i'm like woahhhh. so yeah, don't worry about me. i'm good. i'm like julie in after ashley...sometimes i wish i was like, more sad than i am, but like, i realize life isn't horrible for me...it's not excellent...it's not really that fun...but whatever, it's not bad. and i laugh sometimes. and in the summer i laugh like non stop. serioulsy, like, last summer, i was constantly laughing. i seriously think the only time i wasn't laughing and or smiling was when i was eating. so in the summer WE ARE GOING TO CHILL AND NOT WORRY ABOUT COLLEGE AND GRADES AND ALL SORTS OF OTHER MEANINGLESS SHIT AND WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND IT IS GOING TO BE REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY FUCKING AWESOME. so there. i'm done now.
Every one else has already given you all of the advice I was going to give...except much, much more eloquently. I guess all that I have left to point out is that you found a fine dress at the rummage sale (sometimes a good laugh is just as usefull as good advice).
--zack
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