Beat it

My weekend:

I freaked out and broke down on Friday.

On Saturday I screwed up the lights for the play (mildly)--"Veronica, I love you, I love you, I love you so much. But you really fucked up the first act." -Lucas

Had dinner with Nico and my sister at Joe Jr.'s between performances--"Senior year was my best year of high school"--and bought a book on his reccomendation that is proving extremely depressing.

Decided that I love Dan Yawitz--"Look at you, you just radiate personality!"

Tap danced at the cast party and got a piggy-back ride from Clark, who then proceeded to put my rose in his hair and imitate me--"Bob Dylan! Thomas Hardy! Treeees!"--for the rest of the night.

I also took Tory home with Burke, Tia, Matt and Clark and scared her a bit when we started reminiscing about last year's parties. In addition, I lead everyone about twenty blocks in the wrong direction, leading us to "People With A.I.D.S. Plaza" ("People-with-severe-testicular-disorders Boulevard!" -Matt). Clark's never, ever going to let me hear the end of it.

Didn't do any homework.

Didn't work on my play.

Found a pair of glasses that I like better than either of the pairs I've got.

Had a good time with Harry.



I've decided that I simply have to be happier. I need to make an effort to make myself happy every day and resist depressing thoughts. It's starting to be a real problem. It's starting to affect other people and other aspects of my life.

I think I can do it. As recently as last summer DaSilva and his ilk called me carefree (well, "so fucking carefree!"--to be precise) and I felt like a free spirit. I had a good time this weekend. I know I can be a confident, fun person. I know I can be happy and carefree again and know myself and know my own opinions and hold decent conversations. I need to eat healthy and treat myself well and do things that make me happy.

Winter's coming slowly. It's like it's giving me extra time, one last chance to cast a better shape before I'm frozen in place.

I think I can do it.